me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
not ubering you a puppy
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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