i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
