just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
