PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
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