we have officially lost it.
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
