It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The beer is more important than you right now.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
