i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
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