so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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