Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
