i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
Randomize
