I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
