RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
