sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
