The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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