singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
