thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Randomize
