paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
