If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
