he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Randomize
