he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
