What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
