The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
