he puts the penis in happiness.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
