she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
