i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
Randomize
