ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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