He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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