I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
