this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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