another moral hangover. fuck.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Randomize
