May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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