I love having hate sex.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Randomize
