6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
They took my balls.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
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