Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
