apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
