she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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