john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Randomize
