Kiss
Puke
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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