I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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