i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
