there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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