He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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