i need an iv and a liver transplant
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
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