I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Randomize
