Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
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