I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I accidentally had phone sex last night
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Randomize
