I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
