garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
