she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
I need to sanitize my soul.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Randomize
