I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Randomize
