I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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