Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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