She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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