They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
