It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
We have started to decorate penises.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
