it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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